“In Australia, not reading poetry is the national pastime.” - Phyllis McGinley
“In America, only the successful writer is important, in France all writers are important, in England no writer is important, and in Australia you have to explain what a writer is.”
- Geoffrey Cottrell
Liquid Knowledge
Steve Smith
Steve Smith
I never attended a college,
I wasn’t the type to adhere,
A diploma of infinite knowledge,
I swig from a bottle of beer.
I wasn’t the type to adhere,
A diploma of infinite knowledge,
I swig from a bottle of beer.
So give me a taste of that mellow,
Old nectar they brew in a can,
And I’ll be a graduate fellow,
And speak like an eloquent man.
Old nectar they brew in a can,
And I’ll be a graduate fellow,
And speak like an eloquent man.
There’s a chance you’ve possibly met me,
Or otherwise seen me around,
I lurk where the amber is plenty,
And a suitable ear can be found.
Or otherwise seen me around,
I lurk where the amber is plenty,
And a suitable ear can be found.
I always have an opinion,
I’m the loudest bird in the coop,
Master of all my dominion,
While sipping the lunatic soup.
I’m the loudest bird in the coop,
Master of all my dominion,
While sipping the lunatic soup.
I’m commonly known for my candour,
The absolute wisdom I feel,
My humour and poetic banter,
A few empty bottles reveal.
The absolute wisdom I feel,
My humour and poetic banter,
A few empty bottles reveal.
I quote in the fashion of Homer,
Exhort with a natural flair,
And draw on the common misnomer,
That brains can be found anywhere.
Exhort with a natural flair,
And draw on the common misnomer,
That brains can be found anywhere.
Top five wonderful creatures from Australia:
1. Koalas
2. Kangaroos
3. Duck-billed platypuses
4. Tasmanian devil
5. Olivia Newton-John
2. Kangaroos
3. Duck-billed platypuses
4. Tasmanian devil
5. Olivia Newton-John
Top five movies about Australia:
1. Walkabout
2. Picnic at Hanging Rock
3. Rabbit-Proof Fence
4. On the Beach
5. The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert
2. Picnic at Hanging Rock
3. Rabbit-Proof Fence
4. On the Beach
5. The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert
Runners up: Mad Max, Gallipoli, Chopper
E-Verse recommended book about Australia:
The Fatal Shore, the epic of Australia’s founding, by Robert Hughes
Celebrate Australia Day!
“Indie” Films Taken Over By Success?
E-Verse Radio Unbelievable But Real Film Titles of the Week:
The Saucy Aussie (1963)
Blunder Down Under (1963)
On Top Down Under (2000)
An E-Verser writes in about my decision to shave the goatee:
“I bought this t-shirt for my college freshman son. He came home from school for his break and didn’t shave once, not that he really needed to either. Anyway, this shirt shows the choices he has. I recommended against ’The Virgin’ and ’The Pervert.’ According to this you had a chintache. The last I tried was the ’90210′ (a variant of the Late Elvis) and before that ’The Goat.’ I gave up.”
Have a look at a chart of men’s facial hair types:
A reader writes in on the top five writers who practiced medicine:
“Don’t forget Anton Chekhov, for goodness’ sake!”
“Don’t forget Anton Chekhov, for goodness’ sake!”
The Smarter You Are, The Messier Your Desk Is:
Oprah Winfrey’s powerhouse book club returns later this month with its first selection in a year:
“It’s not that we’re trying to be poetic, that’s just the way language works”..
“Norman Mailer’s Hitler saga is set to go on to the Fürher’s manhood. Oh dear! Hitler seen through the libido of a writer who’s still a prisoner of sex”:
Oprah Winfrey’s powerhouse book club returns later this month with its first selection in a year:
“It’s not that we’re trying to be poetic, that’s just the way language works”..
“Norman Mailer’s Hitler saga is set to go on to the Fürher’s manhood. Oh dear! Hitler seen through the libido of a writer who’s still a prisoner of sex”:
from The Man From Snowy River
Banjo Patterson
Banjo Patterson
There was movement at the station, for the word had passed around
That the colt from old Regret had got away,
And had joined the wild bush horses — he was worth a thousand pound,
So all the cracks had gathered to the fray.
All the tried and noted riders from the stations near and far
Had mustered at the homestead overnight,
For the bushmen love hard riding where the wild bush horses are,
And the stock-horse snuffs the battle with delight.
That the colt from old Regret had got away,
And had joined the wild bush horses — he was worth a thousand pound,
So all the cracks had gathered to the fray.
All the tried and noted riders from the stations near and far
Had mustered at the homestead overnight,
For the bushmen love hard riding where the wild bush horses are,
And the stock-horse snuffs the battle with delight.
“We don’t have any sailors in Australia, we have rowers.” - Ben Lexcen
A reader writes in on the fact that “it was an old Saxon belief that 2nd January was one of the unluckiest days of the whole year. Those unfortunate enough to be born on this day could expect to die an unpleasant death.”
“Here’s a list of people born January 2: Kate Bosworth–also considered unlucky by some because her eyes are different colors–Taye Diggs, Christy Turlington, Cuba Gooding, Jr., Tia Carrere, Jack Hanna–a crocodile hunter for an earlier generation, still alive–Jim Bakker, and Isaac Asimov, the only one on this list who is dead. He died of AIDS in 1992, age 72.”
Interview with New York book publishing insider and ex-pat Australian Virginia Lloyd:
Take a look at her professional page:
She also keeps a blog of her NYC experiences at www.virginialloyd.com
Australian poetry magazine Jacket:
A reader writes in on her Australian adventures and offers some recommendations:
“I have been to Australia, and I have seen what they do there. Marsupials Reproduced in Chocolate for Easter: Bilby, Wombat, Wallabee, I am sure they do kangaroos and possum as well, so you could make it into a top five. Best nonfiction book about Australia that may or may not be a total lie: Songlines, by Bruce Chatwin. Also, you must mention KATH & KIM, an ab-fab style Aussie sit-com about a slaggy mother and daughter that is one of the funniest shows I have ever
seen. It’s on BBC and occasionally gets shown here on Trio. Oh — another good Aussie terrifying piece of ’literature’ — THAT’S LIFE! a ’real life’ magazine (there are many of these here) that offer the best window into the deeply trashy horrible terrifying deadly Aussie culture. Here is a sample.
seen. It’s on BBC and occasionally gets shown here on Trio. Oh — another good Aussie terrifying piece of ’literature’ — THAT’S LIFE! a ’real life’ magazine (there are many of these here) that offer the best window into the deeply trashy horrible terrifying deadly Aussie culture. Here is a sample.
Here is a serious one: after the Holocaust, there were more survivors who emigrated to Australia than to any place other than Israel, creating entire communities of totally traumatized people. The El Camino is a bizarrely popular car in the outback. The locals call them ’Utes’ — pronounced ’yuuuute.’ I suppose they are good for transporting joeys or billabongs or something. Also, my friend’s sister lived in a town called ’Kadina,’ which we all had terrible trouble pronouncing – use the long ’ee’ sound and save embarrassment, or seemingly accurate long ’i’ to rhyme with the lady part and die laughing in front of scary Australians. Also, they name white girls — lots of them — Ebony. Which was very confusing to this former North Philadelphian. Oh — in the very rural/outback we met people who spoke in — I swear to God — a bizarre archaic iambic pentameter. Like, as if their language had been untouched since transport. And they use weird 19th-century British slang.”
E-Verse Radio Invaluable Facts of the Week, courtesy of AboutAustralia.com:
In land area, Australia is the sixth largest nation after Russia, Canada, China, the United States of America, and Brazil. It has, however, a relatively small population.
Australia is the only nation to govern an entire continent and its outlying islands. The mainland is the largest island and the smallest, flattest continent on Earth. It lies between 10° and 39° South latitude.
The highest point on the mainland, Mount Kosciuszko, is only 2228 meters. Apart from Antarctica, Australia is the driest continent.
Australia is the driest inhabited continent on earth. Its interior has one of the lowest rainfalls in the world and about three-quarters of the land is arid or semi-arid. Its fertile areas are well-watered, however, and these are used very effectively to help feed the world. Sheep and cattle graze in dry country, but care must be taken with the soil. Some grazing land became desert when the long cycles that influence rainfall in Australia turned to drought.
The Australian federation consists of six States and two Territories. Most inland borders follow lines of longitude and latitude. The largest State, Western Australia, is about the same size as Western Europe.
And now, Fleming’s Follies:
Famous Australian “cannonball” beer ad: http://youtube.com/watch?v=he4fBK3d8hk
The Simpsons go to Australia, and Bart “agitates” the Aussies: http://youtube.com/watch?v=GaiMchpxGgY
Chasers War on Everything, new Australian Tourism Ads: http://youtube.com/watch?v=GsuoUYzbTac
More Chasers War on Everything: http://www.abc.net.au/tv/chaser/war/ or check them out on iTunes
Visit the Poetry Australia Foundation:
My Country
Dorothea MacKellar
The love of field and coppice
Of green and shaded lanes,
Of ordered woods and gardens
Is running in your veins.
Strong love of grey-blue distance,
Brown streams and soft, dim skies
I know, but cannot share it,
My love is otherwise.
Of green and shaded lanes,
Of ordered woods and gardens
Is running in your veins.
Strong love of grey-blue distance,
Brown streams and soft, dim skies
I know, but cannot share it,
My love is otherwise.
I love a sunburnt country,
A land of sweeping plains,
Of ragged mountain ranges,
Of droughts and flooding rains.
I love her far horizons,
I love her jewel-sea,
Her beauty and her terror
The wide brown land for me!
A land of sweeping plains,
Of ragged mountain ranges,
Of droughts and flooding rains.
I love her far horizons,
I love her jewel-sea,
Her beauty and her terror
The wide brown land for me!
The stark white ring-barked forests,
All tragic to the moon,
The sapphire-misted mountains,
The hot gold hush of noon,
Green tangle of the brushes
Where lithe lianas coil,
And orchids deck the tree-tops,
And ferns the warm dark soil.
All tragic to the moon,
The sapphire-misted mountains,
The hot gold hush of noon,
Green tangle of the brushes
Where lithe lianas coil,
And orchids deck the tree-tops,
And ferns the warm dark soil.
Core of my heart, my country!
Her pitiless blue sky,
When, sick at heart, around us
We see the cattle die
But then the grey clouds gather,
And we can bless again
The drumming of an army,
The steady soaking rain.
Her pitiless blue sky,
When, sick at heart, around us
We see the cattle die
But then the grey clouds gather,
And we can bless again
The drumming of an army,
The steady soaking rain.
Core of my heart, my country!
Land of the rainbow gold,
For flood and fire and famine
She pays us back threefold.
Over the thirsty paddocks,
Watch, after many days,
The filmy veil of greenness
That thickens as we gaze . . .
Land of the rainbow gold,
For flood and fire and famine
She pays us back threefold.
Over the thirsty paddocks,
Watch, after many days,
The filmy veil of greenness
That thickens as we gaze . . .
An opal-hearted country,
A willful, lavish land
All you who have not loved her,
You will not understand
though Earth holds many splendours,
Wherever I may die,
I know to what brown country
My homing thoughts will fly.
A willful, lavish land
All you who have not loved her,
You will not understand
though Earth holds many splendours,
Wherever I may die,
I know to what brown country
My homing thoughts will fly.
E-Verse Radio Bad Book Cover of the Week:
“God bless America. God save the Queen. God defend New Zealand and thank Christ for Australia.” - Russell Crowe
An E-Verser writes in for your help:
“I am currently trying to get my head around Richard Dawkin’s theory of the meme, and having some difficulty. The concept seems to be nothing more than the observation that ideas compete to propagate themselves (i.e. to spread and become more popular), and that they spread by a variety of means (not just rational persuasion) such as imitation and parental conditioning. This strikes me as the pseudo-scientific dressing up of what is basically a statement of the blindingly obvious, so I can’t really see what all the fuss is about. However, I suspect I may be missing something. Can any E-Verse readers enlighten me?”
E-Verse Radio This week’s towns you really have to visit:
Iron Knob (Australia)
Bobbin Head (Australia)
Blowhard (Australia)
Mount Mee (Australia)
Mt. Buggery (Australia)
Bobbin Head (Australia)
Blowhard (Australia)
Mount Mee (Australia)
Mt. Buggery (Australia)
E-Verse Radio E-Verse collective nouns of the week:
An oi, oi, oi of Aussies
A Waltzing Matilda of Aussies
A billabong of Aussies
A drunken stupor of Aussies
Official Australian Government Culture and Recreation Portal for Australian Poetry, including great information on the Jindyworobaks:
Next week’s episode is on the subject of Kings, Queens, aristocracy, and all things regal. Please send in top fives, quotes, poems, facts, or anything you like, from “God Save the Queen!” to “God Save the Queen / She ain’t no human bein!’”
E-Verse Radio wishes it was Down Under with a beer at a barbeque. It is a regular weekly column of literary, publishing, and arts information and opinion that has gone out since 1999. It is brought to you by ERNEST HILBERT and currently enjoys over 1,300 readers. If you wish to submit lists or other comments, please use the same capitalization, punctuation, and grammar you would for anything else intended for publication. Please send top five lists, bad movie titles, limericks, facts, comments, and new readers along whenever you like; simply click reply and I’ll get back to you.
Audio and video segments are produced by Paul Fleming.
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