Thank you, oh, thank you (hold up statuette)
Thank you (breathe) so much. This is just too much.
I couldn’t have done it without the drugs . . .
And the booze. It took a whole lot of sweat
And tears. Mostly sweat. It’s such
A huge, huge honor to be here. It sort of bugs
Me that it took so long, but here I am.
I’d also like to thank the drugs. Wait, did
I say that already? Okay. The booze?
Right. Well, man (sob), I had fun (slam
Award on podium), and they were really good
Drugs. I’d also like to thank (ignore cues

)
Fans, friends, you at home, dealers, mom and dad,
But most of all I’d like to (cut to car ad).