“Hair brings one’s self-image into focus; it is vanity’s proving ground. Hair is terribly personal, a tangle of mysterious prejudices.” – Shana Alexander
Upon Julia’s Hair Filled With Dew
Robert Herrick
Dew sate on Julia’s hair,
And spangled too,
Like leaves that laden are
With trembling dew;
Or glitter’d to my sight,
As when the beams
Have their reflected light
Danced by the streams.
And spangled too,
Like leaves that laden are
With trembling dew;
Or glitter’d to my sight,
As when the beams
Have their reflected light
Danced by the streams.
A reader sends in top five worst hair styles:
1. Donald Trump
2. Lyle Lovett
3. Mike Score from the band Flock of Seagulls
4. Jan Crouch of the Trinity Broadcasting Network
5. Marge Simpson
2. Lyle Lovett
3. Mike Score from the band Flock of Seagulls
4. Jan Crouch of the Trinity Broadcasting Network
5. Marge Simpson
Honorable mentions: Cyndi Lauper, Ann and Nancy Wilson from Heart, Fabio, Kenny G.
Your guide to hair metal:
A reader sends in top five “words to describe hairstyles:”
1. Mustachio
2. Soul patch
2. Soul patch
3. Merkin
4. Muttonchops
5. Bar code (what they call “combovers” in Japan)
4. Muttonchops
5. Bar code (what they call “combovers” in Japan)
Bonus: Fauxhawk
E-Verse Radio Unbelievable But Real Film Titles of the Week:
There’s Music in the Hair (1913)
So You Want to Keep Your Hair (1946)
The Boy with Green Hair (1948)
Yellow Hair and the Fortress of Gold (1984)
Aliens Cut My Hair (1992)
Nose Hair (1994)
The Hair That Ate Hollywood (2003)
Long Hair Revolution (2005)
Fleming’s Follies
Hair, the Musical
http://youtube.com/watch?v=7dyl0j3WU6Y
http://youtube.com/watch?v=7dyl0j3WU6Y
Mr. Bean goes to the Hair Dresser
http://youtube.com/watch?v=iQaYJyQbcwQ
http://youtube.com/watch?v=iQaYJyQbcwQ
The Hair Bear Bunch
http://youtube.com/watch?v=Hk9iP3-SJsM
http://youtube.com/watch?v=Hk9iP3-SJsM
Hairspray Trailer
http://youtube.com/watch?v=hk1JcmpD5hE
http://youtube.com/watch?v=hk1JcmpD5hE
“Hair style is the final tip-off whether or not a woman really knows herself.” – Hubert de Givenchy, Vogue, July 1985
Celebrity bad hair days:
Watch the E-Verse TV episode:
E-Verse Radio Invaluable Facts of the Week, courtesy of hairboutique.com:
Hair is the fastest growing tissue in the body, second only to bone marrow.
35 meters of hair fiber is produced every day on the average adult scalp.
The average scalp has 100,000 hairs. Redheads have the least at 80,000; brown and black haired persons have about 100,000; and blondes have the most at 120,000.
90% of scalp hairs are growing and 10% are resting.
It is normal to lose 100 hairs per day from the scalp.
You must lose over 50% of your scalp hairs before it is apparent to anyone.
Over 50% of men by age 50 have male pattern hair loss.
Hair covers the whole body, with the exception of soles of feet, palms of hands, mucous membranes, and lips.
The lifespan of a human hair is 3 to 7 years in the average.
For good hair health, try wholemeal products, eggs, liver, kidneys, vitamin D, herrings, salmon, carrots, green vegetables, and vitamin C.
Pigments give the hair its color. When we age, hair receives fewer pigments and turns gray or white.
Humidity stretches the hair.
Hair grows faster in warm weather.
Cutting hair does not influence its growth.
Interactive map of dirty place names around the world (for adults only):
“Violet will be a good color for hair at just about the same time that brunette becomes a good color for flowers.” – Fran Lebowitz
An article on collecting human hair (as a hobby, see):
The ultimate mullet site, including the Kentucky Waterfall, the Mullhawk, and the Femullet:
[Which is your favorite? – E]
E-Verse News You Can Use from the Un-E-Versity of Life:
Should Harvard Professors Know How To Teach?
Another Day, Another Smithsonian Scandal:
“A new study finds a strong correlation between high levels of television watching and learning problems in teenagers”:
[Does this bode poorly for E-Verse TV? – E]
“The seedlings of pseudo-classicalism are scattering at bewildering speed. It’s the way that ‘rock’ has become sealed into its own historical bubble”:
“An imperial apologist who peddles poisonous fairytales, or a our finest living historian? Niall Ferguson does tend to get strong reactions”:
“Shakespeare: not a writer to argue for systems of ideas, but one willing to deconstruct any firm view on any subject”:
http://www.philly.com/inquirer/entertainment/books/20070506_The_readiness_to_deconstruct_is_all.html
“Our Pleistocene ancestors lived in a world of zero sum: any gain for one human group came at the expense of another. This kind of thinking infects our politics still today”:
“Having failed to predict the collapse of communism, our political experts now prefer to forget about its cruel system of violence”:
Dark Horses: Poets on Overlooked Poems, edited by Joy Katz and Kevin Prufer, reviewed by John Mark Eberhart:
“A tall blonde woman in sunglasses approaches me.” Jerry Hall and other surprises await Hugo Williams at his Arvon Foundation poetry course:
Long hair? Take care of it properly:
“Long hair consumes a great deal of nutrition and could rob the brain of energy.” – North Korean Government Edict
E-Verse Recommended Play (save the date; more details to follow):
Verse Theater Manhattan presents a reading of
On the Rocks
A New Play by David Yezzi
Directed by James Milton
Saturday, June 16th, 2PM
Bowery Poetry Club, 308 Bowery
(1 block north of Houston)
Only God, my dear,
Could love you for yourself alone
And not your yellow hair.
Could love you for yourself alone
And not your yellow hair.
– W.B. Yeats
E-Verse Radio Bad Book Cover of the Week, Dreamhouse:
“It was a blonde. A blonde to make a bishop kick a hole in a stained-glass window.” – Raymond Chandler
This Nymph, to the Destruction of Mankind,
Nourish’d two Locks which graceful hung behind
In equal Curls, and well conspir’d to deck
With shining Ringlets the smooth Iv’ry Neck.
Love in these Labyrinths his Slaves detains,
And mighty Hearts are held in slender Chains.
With hairy sprindges we the Birds betray,
Slight lines of Hair surprise the Finny Prey,
Fair Tresses Man’s Imperial Race insnare,
And Beauty draws us with a single Hair.
Nourish’d two Locks which graceful hung behind
In equal Curls, and well conspir’d to deck
With shining Ringlets the smooth Iv’ry Neck.
Love in these Labyrinths his Slaves detains,
And mighty Hearts are held in slender Chains.
With hairy sprindges we the Birds betray,
Slight lines of Hair surprise the Finny Prey,
Fair Tresses Man’s Imperial Race insnare,
And Beauty draws us with a single Hair.
– Alexander Pope, Rape of the Lock
Listen to this radio episode:
A reader sends in “top five mullets”:
1. Billy Ray Cyrus
2. Kurt Russell
3. Jean Baptiste Prosper Bressant (the Beau Brummell of mulletry)
4 . Luke on General Hospital (i.e. Tony Geary who made up for his receding hairline-induced low style score by maximizing his degree of difficulty points, via accomplishing a mullet whilst having quadruple-salchow-esque curly hair).
5. Michael Bolton — the suckiness of his hair was an excellent distraction from the suckiness of his music
3. Jean Baptiste Prosper Bressant (the Beau Brummell of mulletry)
4 . Luke on General Hospital (i.e. Tony Geary who made up for his receding hairline-induced low style score by maximizing his degree of difficulty points, via accomplishing a mullet whilst having quadruple-salchow-esque curly hair).
5. Michael Bolton — the suckiness of his hair was an excellent distraction from the suckiness of his music
Extra: Florence Henderson, David Bowie
Tired of waiting for your baby to grow a cool hairdo? Check out baby toupees:
E-Verse Radio town you really have to visit:
Hooker, Arkansas
“When red headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.” – Mark Twain, A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court
E-Verse Radio collective noun of the week:
A lock of hair.
A multitude of mullets.
A historically-minded reader sends in “trend-setting celebrity hair styles”:
1. Clara Bow
2. Elvis Presley
3. The Beatles
4. Farrah Fawcett
5. Jennifer Aniston
[Others? – E]
Reports from the E-Verse Universe
A reader on last week’s top five moms:
“Best mother of all time: Medea. C’mon, how could you miss her?”
Another:
“Okay, I’m a sicko, but what about Medea?”
Another on mothers:
“Regarding the top-five most influential mothers list, I’ve my own suggestion: couldn’t we should just figure out the top five most influential people, period, and then name ‘their’ mothers?”
A reader on Hal Sirowitz’s poem “Deformed Finger”:
“Am I the only one who found this to be unbelievably Oedipal?”
A reader on Mother’s Day facts from last week:
“Here’s an interesting thing. Your facts from chiff.com give the average age for having a first baby in the USA as 24.8, and according to my little bit of research the average age for childbirth generally is 35. In the UK the average age of first-time mothers is 27.3, and the average overall is — wait for it — 29.3. Does this mean that there’s a strange trend in America for having one baby at 16 and then waiting 20 years for the next?”
A reader on another E-Verser’s fascination with the Nazis:
“Has this person read “Fascinating Fascism” by Susan Sontag? http://www.history.ucsb.edu/faculty/marcuse/classes/33d/33dTexts/SontagFascinFascism75.htm
Also, as the person who submitted the original list: I can’t remember what was on the list, now, but, if the person below is feeling self-conscious about being interested in Nazis, I recommend The Iron Dream by Norman Spinrad. I don’t think it was on the other list. It’s an entire book within a book, written (as explained in the preface, which is also part of the book within a book but purports to not be) as if it was written by Adolf Hitler, in an alternate history in which he immigrated to the US shortly after World War I and enjoyed modest success as a fantasy author, along the lines of Tolkien but vastly inferior. The entire novel within a novel features a fantasy/science fictiony Naziesque world, with the hero being Hitler’s Aryan ideal of a man, and the villains, the products of uncleanliness, inbreeding, and mutation, being grotesqueries of the sort often found in fantasy novels, but which are a bit more uncomfortably reminiscent of Nazi stereotypes of Jews, Blacks, Gypsies, etc., than are usually seen. A lot of its target is really science fiction and fantasy readers, and it would have made a better short story than a novel, but it’s a great idea, anyway.”
Also, as the person who submitted the original list: I can’t remember what was on the list, now, but, if the person below is feeling self-conscious about being interested in Nazis, I recommend The Iron Dream by Norman Spinrad. I don’t think it was on the other list. It’s an entire book within a book, written (as explained in the preface, which is also part of the book within a book but purports to not be) as if it was written by Adolf Hitler, in an alternate history in which he immigrated to the US shortly after World War I and enjoyed modest success as a fantasy author, along the lines of Tolkien but vastly inferior. The entire novel within a novel features a fantasy/science fictiony Naziesque world, with the hero being Hitler’s Aryan ideal of a man, and the villains, the products of uncleanliness, inbreeding, and mutation, being grotesqueries of the sort often found in fantasy novels, but which are a bit more uncomfortably reminiscent of Nazi stereotypes of Jews, Blacks, Gypsies, etc., than are usually seen. A lot of its target is really science fiction and fantasy readers, and it would have made a better short story than a novel, but it’s a great idea, anyway.”
Another reader with a telephone song:
“The Wilson Pickett song, if no one else wrote in: “634-5789.” It is sad that I have been waiting for years for someone to ask me this question?”
Next week’s episode: Superheroes! Send in anything you like pertaining to the folks in capes and leotards who save us from other guys in capes and leotards.
E-Verse Radio says let your hair down and relax. It is a regular weekly column of literary, publishing, and arts information and opinion that has gone out since 1999. It is brought to you by ERNEST HILBERT and currently enjoys over 1,300 readers. If you wish to submit lists or other comments, please use the same capitalization, punctuation, and grammar you would for anything else intended for publication. Please send top five lists, bad movie titles, limericks, facts, comments, and new readers along whenever you like; simply click reply and I’ll get back to you.
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