“oh hell” by Sarah Arvio

there are still the bad dreams I have to say
a dram in the thought of a bad bad night
a bad potion potent with impotence
& pain that dream in which you say I
am ruined with you I am no more &
the taxi leaves me standing in the street
& the streetlamp goes out there is this sort
of dream that leaves me without a heart or
more like with a hole in my selfheart
heartself that hellhole of a dream
oh hole oh hell the inside of my mind
damning me with bad portents & potions
you said to come I came & you killed me
this kind of killing that kills me again

* * *
“end” by Sarah Arvio

there isn’t an end this is what I know
there is no end & no bottom to it
this makes me think of the bottom of me
that is bottomlessly infi nite in me
in my moods that go swinging through myself
selfmood mindself always overwhelmed
by what happened or else didn’t happen
what didn’t happen was that I was loved
I was bottomless in my falling down
through the bottomlessness of the unloved
the end of life I think is to be loved
or to love someone else who must be loved
that is bottomland to the bottomlife
a place to lie down & a place to kiss

Excerpted from night thoughts by Sarah Arvio. Copyright © 2013 by Sarah Arvio. Excerpted by permission of Knopf, a division of Random House LLC. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.

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