Shun Chardonnay—the bottle might be pretty,
But its bouquet’s distinctly eau-de-kitty
Be wary of Bordeaux, which Brits call “claret”—
Imagine a metallic tasting carrot
Watch out for anything that fizzes—Asti
Spumante is spectacularly nasty
Avoid Shiraz—there’s nothing subtly Persian
About the blatant blowsy Aussie version
Don’t risk the Riesling—not, that is, unless you
Know alcoholic Kool-Aid won’t distress you
Choose nothing then, put all your icky picks back,
And cross the aisle to buy a Miller six-pack.
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